Never Say Never
by anotherredhead
Summary: This is how the series ended in Season 20, in my mind. It assumes Kitty never left Dodge and includes reflections on the relationship as it happened when we were not allowed to watch. This is my first and maybe only story. Standard Disclaimer: I did not create these characters, I just wanted to give them a story they deserve.
1. Chapter 1 Anticipation

Kitty Russell scooted the nearest chair out from the table and took a load off her feet. She and Floyd had just finished closing up the Long Branch after a busy, exhausting night. Floyd was a good barkeep and she personally like him, but nothing had been the same since Sam died. Sam was more than an employee, he was family. Her eyes misted at the thought of him. Kitty was not a particularly religious woman, but she liked to think that somehow Sam knew how her life was about to change. And that he was pleased.

Last night at this time she had been looking forward to crawling into bed and drifting off to sleep. But not tonight—she was expecting company. He had stopped by earlier, checking in at the Long Branch as he had every day the past 20 years when he was in town and physically able. There was no set time, but she knew at some point the saloon doors would swing open and the Marshal of Dodge City would make an appearance.

He had a commanding presence, standing over six and a half feet tall, and he would slowly scan the room as if evaluating each patron for signs of possible trouble. But his eyes always stopped when they came to the main reason for his visit—the beautiful redhead who owned the establishment. He would casually walk over to her, tip his hat, and say, "Hello, Kitty" with a grin and a twinkle in his eyes. If business was slow enough and the town was quiet, he would join her at a table for a beer and chat about the day's events. Other times, when she was too busy to talk or he had something important to take care of, they would exchange quick pleasantries with a promise to see each other later. And that promise was always kept if possible, after hours, upstairs in her room.

Kitty chuckled to herself as she thought about his brief stop earlier. He had been out of town for over a week, taking a prisoner to Hays and attending to some personal business there. She was used to him being away for days at a time—you did not last 20 years with Matt Dillon if you didn't accept that the responsibilities of his job frequently took him away—but she never got used to missing him. And the feeling was definitely mutual, so much that it was often difficult for him to maintain his preferred reserved demeanor when he first saw her after one of these separations. This had been one of those times.

He had entered the Long Branch almost the minute he had returned from his trip, as was his habit. Exhausted, smelling like a mixture of horse, leather, dust, and sweat, he needed to let her know he was back more than he needed to rest or take a bath. There would be plenty of time for that. Right now he just had to see her—and make plans for later.

The saloon was crowded and noisy and Kitty didn't see him walk in. But as she served a tray of drinks to a large table in the back, she caught sight of him standing near the door. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck, kiss him on the lips, and tell him how relieved she was that he had made it back safely. Especially this time. But instead, she waited for him to come over and said with an inviting smile, "Welcome home, Cowboy. How was your trip?"

He tipped his hat and said "Too long, as usual." Then he added with a smile, "But successful."

She knew what he meant, and a tingle went up her spine. "Looks pretty busy in here tonight," he continued. "Everything going OK?"

Her casual nod assured him it was, and he took a quick survey of the room for his own satisfaction. But he didn't take his eyes off of her for long. She was wearing one of his favorite dresses—emerald green taffeta with a sheer neckline and sleeves—and it fit her ample curves as if it had been specially made for her body. Her fiery red hair was swept up in a twist, loose curls hanging down around her face. Now well into her 40's, her beauty still took his breath away—the same as it had 20 years ago, when the most stunning young woman he had ever laid eyes on first crossed his path during breakfast at that cafe. He wanted to tell her how much he had missed her, but he simply said, "I'd better go tell Festus and Newly I'm back and check on things. See you later?" Yes, she confirmed, definitely later.

The men at the table paid no attention to the conversation that was taking place in code before them. They were too busy drinking whiskey and outdoing each other with tall tales. But had anyone been paying attention, it would have been nearly impossible to miss the sexual spark that ignited the air between those mischievous smiles and deep blue eyes. And had anyone looked as closely as Kitty had, they would also have noticed that Matt's excitement over seeing her was not waiting until later.

"Make sure that gun doesn't go off accidentally before you get back here" she said softly in his ear as he headed toward the door. He held his laughter until he got outside.

Matt walked toward the jail, still laughing every time he thought about her comment. She could always make him laugh, one of the many things he loved about her. No doubt about it, Kitty Russell was unlike any woman he had ever met. He had known that from the very beginning, before he had ever asked her out on a date. She was her own woman, independent and hard-headed and opinionated, and she took care of herself. She had a head for business and earned a living that even successful men envied. She depended not on finding a husband to support her, but on her own ability to save enough money to live comfortably after she retired-an ability he was certain she possessed. She had an easy rapport with children much as she had with adults, but she did not have an overwhelming maternal instinct that demanded she have a child. She would have welcomed one—she certainly had enough love to give—but she didn't need one to feel complete. Eventually, he learned that the value of her friendship was matched only by her passion in the bedroom.

By Matt's reckoning, he had somehow lucked into the perfect woman many years ago. And to his incredible good fortune, she still loved him despite everything, and she would be waiting for him later that night. He knew the best decision he had ever made was to not take that for granted anymore.


	2. Chapter 2 The Way It Was

Still resting her feet, Kitty looked at the clock and wondered how much longer he would be. The town was mostly asleep and nobody was watching. Not that it mattered now—it hadn't mattered in a very long time, actually, to anyone except the Marshal.

Matt Dillon was hands down the most incredible man she had ever known. A rare breed of courage, honesty, and a moral compass always pointing in the right direction, there was absolutely nothing he wouldn't sacrifice for her safety and well-being. She trusted him with her life, and he had proven that he deserved that trust many times over. But he was also the most stubborn man she had ever known. He had to do things his way, and no amount of logic or reason could ever convince him he was wrong.

Sitting alone, her thoughts wandered to the early days of their relationship, when he told her the way it had to be. A United States Marshal had no business getting married and having a family, he had said—it's too dangerous. He made new enemies every day he wore that badge, and a wife or child might as well have a bullseye painted on their backs. It would make him too vulnerable, unable to do his job. It would not be fair to the town he served, nor to his wife and family.

They had been just good friends in the beginning, talking almost every day and flirting openly, neither one brave enough to admit that they wanted more from each other. He wasn't naive, he knew her job was to entertain the cowboys who came to drink and gamble at the saloon. He had been with a few saloon girls in his time, in his younger and wilder days. But Kitty was not just another saloon girl, of that he was certain.

Never had he felt so comfortable talking to a woman—or a man, for that matter. He could tell her anything without fear and know it would go no further. He trusted her, had almost come to depend on her advice and input. He wished that was enough—it would make things so much simpler. But despite his best attempts at apathy, he was finding it increasingly harder to bury his jealousy every time he saw another man showering her with the kind of attention he longed to give her. She never seemed to return their interest, but it still gnawed at him every time he saw yet another cowboy pawing at her.

It was around the time she bought half interest in the Long Branch that he decided to make a move. When he took her out to dinner to celebrate her new status as a business owner, this huge, intimidating man—a man who had taken down the most dangerous of outlaws, who had never backed down from a gunfight in the interest of justice and protection of others—wasn't sure he possessed the courage to bare his soul to the petite beauty sitting across from him.

As he fumbled for the right words, Kitty started getting butterflies. Matt did not wear his heart on his sleeve—in fact, he hadn't appeared to wear it anywhere else either, at least not in the romantic sense, not with her. She thought they had something special and longed to take it to the next level, but Matt was a hard man to read and she didn't want to look like a fool in case she was wrong. But here he was, quietly telling her that he had fallen hopelessly in love with her and wondered if maybe she felt the same way. He looked like a scared little boy, putting himself on the line and risking total rejection, and she couldn't have been more attracted to him at that moment. He may have a lot to learn about women and romance, but Kitty was certain that she wanted to be the one to teach him.

The list of rules for being Matt Dillon's girlfriend had been long and sobering, and he had insisted that she take some time to make sure it was what she really wanted. It didn't take her long to make up her mind, but she waited a couple of days to tell him so he would be satisfied that she had given it the proper consideration. His reaction had been typical Matt—polite and understated, not betraying the mask of his inner excitement that this amazing woman to whom he had experienced such an instant attraction all those months ago felt the same way about him.

With her answer, Kitty had also added a rule of her own—if we're going to do this, we do it exclusively. As long as it's you and me, it's nobody else. Matt didn't need time to think about her rule; he knew he had no interest in anyone else. Not since the day he had seen her at the cafe, and not in all the days that followed when he stopped by the Long Branch to "check up on things."

Being in love made a girl want to shout her feelings from the highest mountain top. Being in love with Matt Dillon meant that was never going to happen. Rule #1—be discreet. He worried constantly that she would be in danger if anyone knew she belonged to him. As far as the town is concerned, he told her, they were just friends.

In the beginning, she actually found it exciting to be part of this secret love affair. Learning to express their feelings with a look, a barely perceptible touch, a benign phrase that took on a special meaning when spoken just the right way. They were frequently seen around town enjoying dinner, attending social events, having a drink. Those are all things you might do with a friend.

But the first time they took a trip together—a little getaway to St. Louis—people started to talk. Not in a negative, gossipy way, at least not most people—they were both liked and respected too much for that. But Matt was a Marshal, not a priest. He had taken an oath to uphold the law, and while that may have precluded him getting married, it certainly didn't require him to be celibate. To any man who had seen Kitty Russell, the thought of going off with her to a hotel and shaking hands goodnight outside her room was comical. Yet nothing could change Matt's perspective on being half of the worst kept secret in Dodge. He knew he had no control over his feelings for Kitty, which made it all the more important for him to have control over his actions. Keeping up the charade allowed him to convince himself that he was still doing everything possible to protect her. And no matter what happened, the rules were not going to change as long as he wore that badge.


	3. Chapter 3 I Have Something To Show You

Kitty was starting to feel rested after her break and thought she might go upstairs and wait there for her company. Just then he walked through the door, clean shaven and in fresh clothes. Her face lit up at the sight of him. He had always been ruggedly handsome, so much so that she had all but decided to stay in Dodge based solely on her first glimpse of him. And despite all the injuries, the physical and emotional toll that his job had taken since that first glimpse, the years looked good on him. Damn good. He still stood tall and lean, with the same muscular arms that both fought outlaws and tenderly caressed her. The hair was grayer, the face more lined, and she couldn't have found him more desirable.

He took her hands to help her up, and he kept pulling until she fell into him. They embraced for a full minute before he stepped back just enough to give her a long, tender kiss. With her head in his hands, noses touching, he whispered, "God, you look beautiful. I missed you so much." Kitty smiled and whispered back, "How much?"

He swept her off her feet, literally, and effortlessly carried her upstairs to her room. He gently laid her on the bed, as he had done a thousand times before, and helped her undress. She returned the favor and they savored every inch of each other, climaxing together in loud groans before collapsing onto their backs. "That was worth the wait, Cowboy" Kitty said as she brushed a sweaty clump of hair off her face. "I aim to please," he said playfully, giving her one last kiss on the shoulder. "Good aim," she shot back. With that, he put his arm around her waist and drew her back up against his chest. They were both exhausted, and sleep came easy.

They awoke the next morning in the same position. Matt kissed the back of her neck before getting out of bed and gathering the pieces of his clothing strewn about the floor. Kitty stretched and sat up, hugging her pillow and trying to wake up as he washed and dressed. Unlike Matt, she had never been a morning person.

Matt came over and sat on the edge of the bed, an eager grin on his face. "Well, do you want to see it? I hope you like it."

"I saw it last night, and I liked it just fine" she teased. They dissolved in laughter before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet pouch. Kitty watched him open the draw string and turn it upside down. A small, elegant band surrounded by tiny sapphires dropped into his large hand.

Kitty had a lot of rings, many with large stones that almost eclipsed her delicate hands. But this was the most beautiful ring she could imagine. She slowly picked it up and slid it onto her finger. "Oh Matt" she started, so overcome with emotion that she spoke almost in a whisper. "It's perfect."

Kitty had been thinking about this moment ever since Matt left for Hays—his last official trip as Marshal of Dodge City. There was no way their plans would have remained a secret had he used the jeweler in town, so they decided together that he would attend to a little personal business the next time he went to Hays. He liked the jeweler there, he had always been helpful when Matt bought gifts for Kitty in the past. He had asked her what she wanted, and she had said it didn't matter as long as it was from him. He knew she truly meant that, but this would be the most important purchase he ever made and it had to be just right. He wished he could ask Doc's advice, but he wasn't ready to let even those closest to him know what he was about to do. He still had some loose ends to take care of.


	4. Chapter 4 Of Course It's a Yes

It had been two months since his life changing decision—two months out of twenty years, yet it seemed as if their day would never come. Matt still remembered the look on her face that night—it was his 50th birthday, and she had made him a special dinner. As they shared a bottle of wine, he said, "Kitty, I have something to tell you, and I hope you will be happy about it." Intrigued, she asked him what it was. "Well," he began, "I think it's time I got a divorce." Furrowing her brow, she retorted, "Exactly how much have you had to drink?" He said, "The badge, Kitty. I've been married to it half my life. And I've decided I'd rather spend the rest of my life with someone else."

Of course, it was true. He _had_ been married to that badge, and she had often felt like the other woman—the mistress who gets treated like royalty when it's convenient, then suddenly it's Christmas Day and you're alone because his wife gets dibs on special occasions. Oh, the fights that had caused over the years. Then Matt would remind her that he had been totally honest with her from the beginning about the way it had to be, and she had to admit that he was right. No matter how hard this life was, she had chosen it.

Kitty wasn't quite sure what she had just heard. "Matt, what are you saying? You're turning in your badge? What brought this on?"

He didn't even know where to start—there were so many reasons, and they had been occupying his mind for longer than he cared to admit.

He could tell her that with each birthday, the lingering pain from years of bullet wounds and beatings had gotten worse until he didn't know how much longer he would be the best man to protect the town. He could tell her that he had been haunted by the memory of his mentor Adam Kimbro, who had given his life to the badge and spent his final years destitute and lonely. He could tell her that he had never recovered emotionally from almost losing her when a madman bent on revenge set out to kill the Marshal's woman, and had found her despite their years of discretion. All of these things were true.

But he didn't want her to think he was making this decision out of pain, or vulnerability, or guilt. That would worry her, and the only thing he wanted to do at that moment was to make her happy—something she had deserved for far too long. Something they both deserved. So he simply said, "Kitty, I'm 50-years old. This isn't the kind of job a man can do forever. As a law man I've always relied on my instincts, it's one of the reasons I'm still here. And my instincts are telling me that it's time to do this."

Kitty had never been sure this day would come. They had talked about what-ifs, but he had never promised her anything. Sure, she had fantasized about a life where they could openly walk down Front Street holding hands and looking at each other like a couple in love. A life where he didn't have to be the shield between flying bullets and innocent citizens, where she didn't have to worry every time he got on that horse that he might not come back alive. But she didn't expect it—she had come to accept that expectations only brought disappointment.

She quietly absorbed the news until Matt broke the silence. "What are you thinking, Honey?"

"I don't know. It's so sudden, Matt. I wasn't…I just…I don't know what to say."

He took her hand and said, "You know what this means, don't you? What we talked about if I was ever not the Marshal?"

Kitty said nothing for what felt like an eternity to Matt. Then finally, feigning offense, she replied, "Is that supposed to be a proposal? Because you're going to have to do a lot better than that, Mister."

"Well Kitty, you know if I get down on this bad knee I just might not be able to get up again!" he quipped. They both laughed, and she squeezed his hand. "Is that a yes?" he asked. "Of course it's a yes" she said, smiling.


	5. Chapter 5 FinallyHere We Go

Kitty was still in bed, turning the ring on her finger and admiring how the stones sparkled as they caught the sunlight coming through the window. It fit perfectly. He had bought her rings before and had memorized the size of each finger. She pondered this small symbol of commitment that had been around for centuries-a perfect circle, no beginning and no end, all encompassing. "How did you decide on this one?" she asked, thinking she knew the answer. Matt had once told her that the only color God made more beautiful than a sapphire was in her eyes.

"I had it specially made for you," he replied. "Count the stones." Kitty started counting, keeping one finger on the first one to hold her place. As she came to the last stone, she smiled knowingly. There were twenty. She looked up at him, and he said, "One for every year that I have been the luckiest man on earth."

"I have something to show you too," she said. She got up and walked over to the large armoire that decorated the corner of her room. It held her whole wardrobe of dresses. She almost laughed as she thought about the time she had flung that door open in anger to show him her closet of disappointments, all the special dresses she didn't get to wear because his job had come first.

But no job was going to stop her from wearing this dress. She slowly opened the door and carefully removed it from the far corner. It was simple yet stunning –deep ivory satin with delicate sleeves and collar made of lace.

"What do you think?" she asked, eager for his reaction.

"It's beautiful Kitty," he said, adding with a wink, "and I think that you probably won't be in it for very long after the ceremony."

She gave him a soft kiss and put the dress back in the armoire. Slipping the ring off her finger and handing it back to him, she warned, "You have to keep up with this for a couple of more weeks. Don't lose it!"

"Don't worry," he said, "I'm taking it to Doc for safekeeping."

Doc Adams had been like a father to both of them for as long as they had lived in Dodge. Next to Kitty he was Matt's best friend, and he was about to get the shock of his life.

"Do you think he will mind being my Best Man?" Matt asked.

"Not after he picks his jaw up off the floor. Now there's one physician who might have to heal himself" she joked.

She knew that Doc would be thrilled. Nobody knew what they had been through together, what they meant to each other, more than Doc. He might be a tad miffed that Matt had kept this from him for so long, but he knew Matt had to do things his way—that was a fact.

The wedding would be small and simple—just their close friends and the Justice of the Peace, followed by cake and drinks at the Long Branch. It's all they needed.

"Did you hear from Chester?" Kitty asked.

"I had a wire from him when I got back. He said he wouldn't miss it. He'll be here a week from Friday" Matt smiled.

Kitty squealed. Chester had moved to Colorado years ago, but they had always kept in touch with him. They were both anxious to see their old friend, Matt's trusted assistant for so many years. He had been so good to them, so supportive.

Kitty brushed her hair, got dressed, and put on just a bit of makeup. She had spent little time on herself but looked radiant. It was going to be a big day, and she was nervous. There was so much to tell—how would everyone react? The wedding, a new Marshal on his way, selling the Long Branch, the ranch they had bought outside of town. It was still overwhelming even to them, and they had known about it for a while. Their friends were going to need some time.

"They're going to be happy for us, Kitty," Matt assured her. "You know they will." She did.

They descended the staircase and walked through the saloon that had been Kitty's home since she had moved to Dodge and her life changed forever. She glanced over at the bar and could almost see Sam standing there, flashing that warm smile as they prepared for their new journey. She looked at Matt and said, "Well, here we go."

And with that they walked through the batwing doors onto Front Street—out in public, holding hands, looking at each other very much like a couple in love.

The End.


End file.
